“You shall not move your neighbor’s boundary mark, which the ancestors have set, in your inheritance which you will inherit in the land that the Lord your God gives you to possess.” Deuteronomy 19:14
“Cursed is he who moves his neighbor’s boundary mark.’ And all the people shall say, ‘Amen.’” Deuteronomy 27:17
Narcissists are notorious for moving the goalpost. But, what does that mean exactly? They will set an expectation or come criteria for you, and after you have achieved it, they will raise the expectation or somehow communicate unworthiness on your part. When the narcissist is a parent, this can be expressed by impossible standards or put-downs right after an achievement. They could say something like, “you made the team, but talk to me when you win a championship.”
Narcissistic bosses can also move the goalpost. After you’ve put in work for a promotion, they might say you did something well, but you must do more if you want to stand out. Narcissistic partners can demand that you continuously change in ways that make them feel secure in the relationship and when you do, ask for something else. They are never satisfied with the compromises you make.
Moving the goalpost is all about making you feel like you aren’t good enough and keeping you hooked into the relationship. Once boundaries for individuals in a relationship are established, watch for potential manipulations. Narcissists want to get you to move you boundaries for a sense of power and control.
Yet, the bible lets us know that this is in contrast to God’s heart and command. We are to be just and honest in our expectations of people and about any insecurities in ourselves. We are to be balanced scales in our interactions with others.
If you see a tendency in yourself to move the goalposts with people, take time to ask yourself why. Then take any insecurity and fear to God and let Him heal you.
God Himself does not move goalposts. He gave us one criteria for relationship with Him, believing in His son, Jesus. And He even provided for what He asked. Don’t let a narcissist do to you what God wouldn’t.
Source: https://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Boundaries