“They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over gullible women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth.” 2 Timothy 3:6-7 NIV
Narcissists are unrepentant about the harm that they do to people and the sins that lead to undesirable consequences. For this reason, they seek out people who will feel sorry for them because they do not wish to change their behavior.
Mercy-showers naturally extend empathy and compassion because of their close relationship with the law of God. They take His commandments to heart and when they see their inability to keep them, they feel extreme guilt and extend grace to those that they assume must feel the same way. But narcissists don’t feel the same way. They pick and choose which laws to keep and place themselves on the throne of their life. This prevents them from ever coming to the end of their sinful selves. The mercy-shower extends grace for guilt that is simply not there. The narcissist, in turn, feigns guilt, incompetence, or victimhood to continue receiving mercy, all while despising and abusing the mercy-shower.
The mercy-shower who extends grace out of empathy is not yet mature in his or her gift. As mercy-showers mature, they learn that not everyone is repentant when they break the laws of God and so mercy should be stewarded–it should be extended only at God’s prompting. The mercy-shower does not own his or her gift, and is in no position to give it out without checking in with God.
The immature mercy-shower can be gullible because they are laden with the guilt from their own sins. The answer is to understand that the same mercy that they wish to extend to others flows freely from God to them. Under the new covenant, Jesus has removed all condemnation and ushers us into a close relationship with God. Mercy-showers must come to know that they are desperately loved by God and that He would never want them to be abused. Even God sets an eternal boundary for the unrepentant.
I pray that all mercy-showers mature in their much-needed gift and experience God’s overflowing mercy for themselves!