“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.”
“I know what’s best for you.”
“It’s my way or the highway!”
Most of us parent from a place of ownership. What do I mean by that? When we look at our kids, we see them as our responsibility and we set out to make sure that they reflect well on us.
We critique their manners, we insist that they wear their hair a certain way, and we encourage the gifts and talents that we like. As they get older, we try to influence career choices, personality, and college selection. Worse still, many of us offer inflexible opinions out of this sense of ownership.
While most parents mean well with all of the advice or admonishment that they give their children, the Bible lets us know that parents usually discipline after their own pleasure, or their own preferences (Hebrews 12:10). We want our children to exist in a way that doesn’t inconvenience us, doesn’t cause us too much worry, and causes others to praise our parenting skills. Yet when we do this, most of the time we don’t even check in with God about how he designed our children.
For the mother that wants a girly girl, maybe God has designed her to be bold and to work and in a male-dominated field. For the father that wants his son to be an athletic superstar, maybe God made him to be a nurse.
Sometimes it’s not the path, but the disposition that we focus on. I have always loved school and avid reading, and I am also pretty conflict avoidant. I got the shock of my life when my daughter had little interest in school or reading, was unafraid of conflict, and wanted to play with trucks over dolls! She is my opposite in almost every way, and I thought it would be my job to make her more like me. It’s amazing how we operate in unspoken arrogance. When I began to check in with God about it, He began to show me how he loves bringing families in balance by giving parents their opposite. I am learning boldness and persistence from my daughter, and she is hopefully developing a love of learning from me.
Parents are ultimately stewards and not owners. When we’re about to criticize our children for something that isn’t technically wrong, but grates on our nerves, we must consider if it relates to God’s design for them. God’s purpose for our children, will often look nothing like what we would have planned for them. But that’s because He knows them best, because they came from Him. Hebrews 12:10 goes on to say, “but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness.”
It’s best to follow God’s guidance for our children, because His plan will lead them into holiness.
Happy stewarding!