He said to them, “Because your hearts were hard and stubborn Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. Matthew 19:8 AMP
The ability to divorce is an act of God’s mercy in some cases. Destructive people approach covenant as a means of locking someone into meeting their needs while simply not caring about the needs of their spouse. These individuals enjoy being able to point to an abuser’s interpretation of scripture if their spouse tries to have a voice. Such a marriage is not actually a covenant. The Bible offers so many truths about covenants that are often not fully understood.
Covenant from the Biblical perspective is about two individuals becoming one. And no one ever hated his own flesh. Both parties mutually look after the interests of the other and both serve to protect what belongs to the other. If one party failed to look after the interests of the other or violated what belonged to the other, this broke the union. Covenant in Hebrew means “to cut.” This pointed to the cost to maintain the covenant, dying to self, and also to the consequences of breaking it. Families often came together in covenant so both could prosper. Genesis 15 details the account of God’s covenant with Abraham. And God’s consistency and faithfulness to Abraham’s descendants demonstrates His idea of what it meant.
This concept should hold true in marriage as well. Marriage is about mirroring God’s heart and is an expression of His nature in the earth. A husband and wife first submitted to Him and then to each other, in a mutually supportive way, is a glimpse of God’s glory. Yet covenant has often been taught as binding instead of glorifying. This has led to bondage in marriage where God wanted the expression of the freedom in love. Selfish people who have placed themselves on God’s throne, in their mind, rely on the idea of covenant as a substitute for developing godly character. They inflexibly demand that their own needs take precedent while violating their spouses. Their lack of empathy slowly destroys the soul of their spouse and it dims the light that God put in them. God’s glory is usurped as they are determined to be the only spotlight. Then they quickly point their spouse to the obligations of covenant while continually breaking it. These people fail to look after the God-given interests of their spouse and neglect to protect them or the union. They are simply in it for themselves.
This is actually what breaks the covenant. Malachi 2:16 NIV says, “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the Lord, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the Lord Almighty.” Women didn’t have the right to divorce their husband when Malachi recorded this. The act of divorce lay in the heart of a spouse who failed to keep the covenant of godly love and protection.
Destructive people often blame their abused spouse for leaving, but fail to hold themselves accountable for covenant-breaking behavior. Cases where destruction is constantly happening, without repentance, points to a hardened heart. And this is why God made the provision for divorce. It is an act of mercy for the abused and a protection from those who aren’t committed to displaying His nature and heart.
It is true that God kept his covenant to Israel despite their lack of faithfulness. He alone is God and this is what defines Him. It is a picture of His unfailing covenant with believers who are in the process of sanctification. Yet, in the end, people who continually reject Him will ultimately experience eternal separation from Him. These people are unbelievers. This truth holds for destructive marriages as well.
Let us pray for those who have had to walk the path of divorce and for people, in general, to have the heart to renew their mind. May we all seek for God’s heart and nature to be manifest in our actions and to commit to His ideas for family relationships.